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Escaping the Sweaty Cycling Dungeon

Cyclists across the UK are currently looking out from the sweaty turbo dungeons in state of utter bewilderment as a giant fireball blazes it’s way across the sky. Amidst random shouts of ‘ride on’ and ‘watts per kilo; they climb slowly up the stairs and out the door into the real world, horrified at the possibility of riding on open roads for the first time in 2019. It’s too early and the cyclists are yet to fully prepare for such scenes.

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A small pack of cyclists heading out to their annual training camp mutter in discontent as they board their budget flight to Calpe, cursing that they could have tossed their own bike around the tarmac for half the price then ridden around Essex for a week without feeling cold. It’s risky though; do you book the camp and then the weather gets great, or not book it and risk riding around like an Eskimo?

Closer to home, men and women alike run around the house in blind panic searching for a hedge trimmer, or googling the fastest way to get those silky smooth legs. After a long winter in the darkness they can all admit to getting a little bit more like a Wookiee than intended. The possibility to get the pins out is a testing time for all cyclists.

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Even if they’ve managed to shave their legs in mild anticipation of prolonged sunshine, they’re faced with the oldest and hardest question faced by any cyclist; winter bike or summer bike? Chances are the summer steed is built. It’s likely been sat on the turbo all winter pushing out the mega watts in Watopia, but can we get it dirty? It’s tough but everyone is looking for an excuse to look fast and fingers crossed, ride fast too.

Even when we’ve thrown our own bikes around, raked up the leg hair and wheeled out the deep sections, there still remains one last question. What kit do you wear? The pro thing to do would be to still dress like you were living at the North Pole but nobody wants to do that. Arm warmers? Leg warmers? Or are you the hardest thing since the hulk and you’re just going to go shorts and tee shirt until you’re found at a service station stuffing The Sun down your chest.

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The early hint of spring is very much welcome but it’s really a rather confusing time for cyclists. Fingers crossed this is the start of another long and wonderful summer. The reality is though we are probably all being teased by the weather gods and all of March will look like a scene from The Day After Tomorrow.